Posted by samantha on May 29, 2014 in What I Think
Dreaming is fascinating to me. There is so much about it that is interesting. Did you know you can’t dream if you are snoring? Or that not everyone dreams in color? (I do, so this was really jaw-dropping to me) Or that not everyone can read in their dreams? (Again, I can so I was amazed.)
When I was a teen I purchased a dream dictionary and a scientific text on sleep and dreaming. Been hooked ever since.
Why you may ask? Well, I want to know why I can hear an entire conversation in Spanish in my dream. And more than I actually comprehend. Do I actually know more of the language in my subconscious to make up entire conversations between people, or is my subconscious replaying a conversation I “overheard” for me to reexamine it later?
I also have epic dreams. As in they are long and involved like the Odyssey. I also have reoccurring dreams that are really odd – a mermaid with gray-green skin and black hair that I only see when driving my family’s old station wagon.
And I have places in my dream that I return to, like two different houses, where different situations or events take place.
Recently I had one really strange, epic-type dream that included the following:
(I’m also including the meanings/interpretations, because they are just as fascinating!)
Packing to move out of a dorm (even though I’ve graduated and I’m married – in the dream too!); packing but can’t seem to finish: You are weighed down with endless expectations or responsibilities in your life. As a result you cannot change your current circumstances.
Fighting with a rude roommate and everyone taking her side: To have a fight indicates personal turmoil, or that some aspect of yourself is at war with another.
Being halfway moved into two apartments and not remembering which one is the “real” place I live (happens a lot in my dreams actually): This indicates a desire for change or a determination to solve dependence/independence issues. My dream also shows my uncertainty about which path I want to take, my old one or my new one.
Being in a social experiment about group mentalities: This means the dreamer is feeling helpless and or at the mercy of someone else regarding decisions affecting him or her.
Kissing a friend from college: Recalling adoration and respect for this person.
Catastrophe (tornado turned mudslide): To experience a catastrophe in your dream represents sudden instability and upheaval in your walking life. You are feeling extremely anxious about the unknown changes that are in store for you.
Car accident (avoided, barely): This indicates your emotional state, harboring deep fears or anxieties or perhaps “driving” yourself too hard.
Having to pee outside in public without anyone seeing me: This means I could be searching for privacy, or that I am searching for a way to express myself.
And a zombie attack that no one but me seems to be afraid of: To dream that you are attacked by zombies indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered.
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Posted by samantha on May 19, 2014 in What I Think
Wouldn’t it be interesting if our outer appearance reflected our inner self? Like if inner beauty was visible as our physique.
The reason I’ve been contemplating this is that it is hard work doing the right thing, am I right?
After years of being called Pollyanna, Goody-Two-Shoes, and the like, I am curious if other “goody-goodies” are in the same boat with me.
Being good isn’t always easy. It is hard to be the good example, the responsible party.
It’s making a choice to do what’s right, even though you would really like to flip off that person who cut you off in traffic, or throw your drink in a rude person’s face, or even pinch that frenemy at work who is always “complimenting” your full figure, straight hair, short stature, etc, etc.
I would love to experience things. Sure, no one is telling me that I can’t try drugs or smoking, or run around naked. But what would the consequences be?
And then I think about people I know who seem to get by with everything, when I got my first speeding ticket going 74 in a 70 passing a semi truck.
If your inner self was reflected on your outer person, imagine what the world would look like. I can tell you right now I would be devastatingly gorgeous! **wink**
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Posted by samantha on May 16, 2014 in What I Think
It’s been almost a year since I was let go from the Daily News Journal. That was a very hard time for me. Don’t get me wrong: I love what I’m doing. I love that I am able to do what I enjoy. However, there is plenty I miss, not only about being in a “traditional” office but also about that place.
Being independent means you get to set your own hours for the most part. You get to work on projects in the order you choose, and of course, in your lounge wear when you aren’t meeting clients. (I mean, I guess I could…)
It also can be very lonely. You don’t have the constant hum of other voices, clicking of other people typing, or the occasional laughter from another part of the building.
There is no one to break up the monotony by visiting your desk, sending you a chat about a silly coworker, or even meetings to attend. It’s you, your computer, and that’s it a lot of the time.
I definitely miss my coworkers, some of whom were more like family, and others whom I didn’t get to know as well but regret not being able to do so.
I miss being in-the-know and being the font of information all things Rutherford County. It was so much fun having people call me to see what was coming up, or emailing me to tell me about story ideas, even if they weren’t on my beat.
I miss the camaraderie of being in the trenches with coworkers on election nights, storm-chasing, or other big stories that brought us together and lend helping hands.
But what I will really miss is my favorite spot in the office.
When things got really crazy I used to love to run up to “the morgue.” That was where our old paper copies, archives and extra stuff was stored. Most people avoided it because of the bugs. In case you didn’t know, roaches LOVE paper. The morgue had no air or heat, so depending on the time of year, it could get really uncomfortable. Yet it was quiet, and it was filled with really cool treasures — and I don’t mean dead insect carcasses.
I looked up what was in the paper the day I was born, when Pearl Harbor happened, coverage on 9-11 and the Kennedy assassination. I flipped through decades of advertisements for things that don’t exist anymore and other things that have evolved. I found solace in the legacy of the newspaper and how it had been a part of people’s lives for generations, the same way it is today, digitally or in print.
It’s one thing that I can’t get over knowing the DNJ office will be moving soon. I would really love to visit the morgue again. To flip through those hallowed broadsheets, to say goodbye.
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Posted by samantha on May 12, 2014 in What I Think
I have now suffered the first earache of my life. As a generally healthy child I somehow managed to avoid this awful infirmity. But now that I have experienced it, I understand why babies scream their heads off. I wanted to drive a screwdriver into my brain through my ear to release the pressure and pain. Ick! Let’s hope I never have to relive this particular injury again!
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Posted by samantha on May 12, 2014 in What I Think
There are plenty of things that are probably normal, but I freak out about, thinking I’m the only one who does it. Like my fear of death. I am terrified of dying. Not necessarily of dying a certain way, like in a fire, drowning, being buried alive. I mean, all those things are terrible, and I am claustrophobic enough for them to be scary.
No. As a faithful person, I believe in eternity. And that is what scares me. Forever is a seriously long time. And since I know that when I (hopefully) get to Heaven, my life as I know it will end, and my eternal life will be something completely different.
But apparently I won’t know the people I know on earth. I won’t remember anything from my previous existence. And that is really horrifying to me.
What if I don’t fulfill my purpose? What if I don’t live to do all the amazing things I want to accomplish?
And then I won’t even know if I did or not?
Doesn’t that seem a really crazy thing to be worried about?
Still, just the thought of my life ending sooner rather than later is enough to give me a panic attack.
Another thing that I have been fearful of for several years has been the approach of my 31st birthday. I have less than a month.
Last year was really rough. I didn’t want to celebrate an amazing milestone because of fear. And I even came up with this crazy “30 Things to Do While I’m 30” bucket list. Why?
Because my mother was diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukemia on her 31st birthday.
Because her grandmother had leukemia and died from it.
My own mother was treated for three months at Vanderbilt Medical Center, and she is fine. She went through remission, and is considered cured. I mean, she is still living into her 50s.
For some reason I am convinced that if I were to be diagnosed, I will not survive.
My mother assured me recently, even after reminding me that I will likely have a better 31st birthday than she had, that I will likely NOT get leukemia as it typically skips a generation. Yet I remain unconvinced.
How can I plan to have children and build a life with my husband knowing that I may be leaving this world and all my responsibilities to them?
It’s unfortunately something I think about, and worry about.
On a positive note, I do believe in the power of prayer, so I think I’ll lift up a few right now.
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